Thoughts on the CICU

Trixie has been home from the hospital for about three weeks. Having her home seems so natural, and I've loved how quickly the boys have adjusted to her being in our family. Even Felix, who at first was not really thrilled about having her around, always makes sure that Trixie comes with us if our family is going somewhere. (We haven't ever come even close to forgetting her, but even if we did, Felix would remind us frequently that the baby should come with us.)

In the time since we've been home, I've thought a lot about her time in the hospital, especially the days in the CICU. I have been filled with gratitude for all the things that went well for us while we were there.

First of all, I'm constantly in awe of the nurses, both in the CICU and on our regular floor. I never once encountered a nurse who was rude, rushed, abrasive, inconsiderate, or indifferent. They were always willing to answer my questions, and I ask a lot of questions. They were always helpful in every way, and I felt confident that even when I wasn't around they were doing their best for my daughter. It was such a reassuring feeling to know she was always in good hands.

While in the CICU I ran into a lady from my neighborhood whose son was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Basically, the left side of his heart didn't function, and he required major surgery a few days after he was born. I didn't know the woman personally, but I recognized her, and it turned out she knew my boys because she was friends with their babysitter. The day after Trixie was moved out of the CICU to a regular floor another boy from our neighborhood was admitted to the CICU. He was born with coarctation of the aorta, which means the aorta was too narrow, and he also required open heart surgery. Again, I did not know this family personally, but I recognized them, and I know they are also friends with my boys' babysitter.

Neither of these families knew their sons had heart defects until after birth. (I'm not sure how they missed the hypoplastic heart in the ultrasounds.) Both boys were life-flighted to the hospital shortly after birth. I can't imagine how frightening the whole experience must have been for both families. It made me all the more grateful that Trixie's heart defect was detected early, and that we could avoid open heart surgery for a while.

I witnessed some great sadness in the hospital. I saw a woman weeping in the elevator. The one night I stayed in one of the sleep rooms attached to the ICU waiting room I was awoken by a waiting family sobbing. I had noticed them there quite late in the evening, and I figured that a loved young person had either been in an accident or had taken a turn for the worse. Hearing their sorrow in the middle of the night was absolutely gut-wrenching and is something I will never forget. This was less than 48 hours after Trixie's catheter procedure, and it made me so grateful that everything had gone so well for her.

The next morning in the CICU I watched as doctors and nurses literally ran to treat a baby who had gone "code blue." Again, it was a very traumatic scene for me, and I didn't even know the child or her family. It was short, and the doctors were able to revive her quickly, but  it was a scene that I will never forget. And for the second time in only a matter of hours, it made me grateful that my little one was doing so well.

I don't know that I'm usually comforted by "it could be worse" scenarios, but spending time in the CICU had that effect on me. I know that eventually we'll be back there. Treating Trixie's heart defect is something that will go on over the course of her life. Still, I'm grateful that her heart condition was detected early and is so treatable. Her life as a newborn right now is pretty normal, and it will continue to be fairly normal. I really can't ask for more.

Virtuous Pet Names.

My friend got a canary for Mother's Day. When I asked her what she planned to name it, she said she wanted to give it a name that would remind her son to behave. Something like, "Don't Say Potty Words." Or "Be Obedient."

If our family were to get a pet and name it some sort of quasi-virtue name, these would be on our list of possibliities:

• Don't Run Away. (Either that, or Stay By Mom and Dad.)
• No Shouting.
• No Hitting. Or Kicking. Or Biting. (That's a new, really weird thing he's been doing.)
• Take It Easy.
• Don't Stand on Mom's Feet.
• Eat Your Dinner.
• Don't Throw Toys Down the Stairs.
• Put It Back.
• It's Okay. He's Just A Little Baby.

If you were to name a pet some with a name that serves as a reminder to your children, what would it be?

Where I've Been

I have felt for a while now like I'm always on the brink of having my life in order. Life is so different with two kids. More so, life is very different when one of those kids is a toddler who used to play independently for large chunks of time but now demands a lot more attention and interaction. And the other kid requires more attention than the first one did as a baby. You would think after seven months that I would be in the swing of things. In reality, after seven months I'm just learning to let go of a lot of things. One of those is this blog. I'm not quitting altogether, but it's just not a priority for me right now.

Cleaning is also not a huge priority. Earlier in the year I figured out that I am capable of working, preparing good food for our family and maintaining a clean house. But I'm not capable of doing all of these things simultaneously. So I basically called it quits on cleaning. I notified Eric, and we've just been doing the best we can to maintain some semblance of tidiness. I try not to beat myself up when it gets chaotic, and Eric has filled in a lot of gaps. (Our house is still not as clean on a day-to-day basis as I'd like, but it's something I'm learning to deal with.)

I'm learning, much to my dismay, that I don't know how to play. When I deliberately set time aside to interact with Ike I usually find myself in a pickle because I don't know what to do with him. We read a lot, but occasionally reading doesn't interest him. We sometimes watch movies or clips on YouTube, but if I'm setting aside time to be with my boy I don't want that time spent in front of a screen.

I'm getting better at playing (mostly by just mimicking the things that Eric does with him), but it gets tedious very quickly for me. I'm not a kid at heart. I'm a grownup at heart, and I think I always have been. When Ike grows up and looks back on the activities we did together they will revolve around him "being a helper" to me as I cook and clean. I'm sure those things are important, but they're probably not as fun. (Especially when the whole time we are cooking I am telling him, "Don't touch that." "Put that down." "Don't stir too much." "No, the oil doesn't go in yet." "Plug it back in." "Don't sneeze into the bowl." "Don't lick the clean dishes.")

So that's where I've been. Trying to balance the responsibilities I've chosen.

Dream Job

Janssen wrote a really interesting post, which got some really great comments, about dream jobs. It got me thinking.

I happen to really love my job. There was a time when I couldn't say that, and there are always going to be certain things about any job that you don't really like, but right now the job I have (professional genealogist) is my dream job.

For a while I thought about going to nursing school. I really thought it would be awesome to be a labor and delivery nurse, or maybe even a midwife. I still thought this would be a cool job after birthing Ike, but after Felix's delivery I realized I don't actually want to be a nurse at all. It turns out I have no interest whatsoever in dealing with gross stuff, even if a baby does come out of the mess.

As part of my job sometimes I get to do media interviews, and I really enjoy that. Sometimes my interviews are very "how-to" based. I like those, but the ones I like better are the ones where I get to share with the media person about their family history. It's so fun to present information to them that they never knew. It takes a lot of behind-the-scenes work to get to a story worth sharing. That part is challenging, but it's also fun. I think the really fun part, though, is getting to share the information and tell the story on camera.

So, maybe that's my real dream job. Getting to be a host of a genealogy show. Any producers out there who want to take me up on that?

Either that, or I want to replace Diane Rehm when she retires. This is a dream job, after all.

Goals

Sometimes you start a new year rejuvenated and excited. You're ready to make some goals and get a fresh start on various aspects of your life.

That is not how 2013 started for me. I had two weeks in a row (the one leading up to the new year, and then the first one of the new year) that were just not awesome. I won't bore you with all the details of my overwhelming working mom guilt, with the particular difficulties I experienced catering to the needs of a toddler and infant simultaneously, with my especially stressful and frustrating work challenges, nor with the general malaise I felt starting off the new year. I won't even pretend to be fully recovered from any of these challenges. But in general life is going much better, and I'm ready to set down some goals for 2013.

• Run a 5K.
• Allow myself to stop reading books when I realize I don't like them. Keeping a tally of the total number of books I've read is not as important as enjoying the books I've read.
• Be a more present parent.

That's it. The first one has a directly achievable goal which I can cross off my list. The second is more of a quit-goal than an accomplishment goal. The third will be hard to measure and quantify, but I'm sure I can step away from the computer and sit with a kid or two in my lap more often.

So take that, lousy start to the new year. I'm going to show you who's boss.

(It's not me. The boss is actually the toddler in my house.)

2012 - In Review

This year's year in review for me:

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?

This is kind of boring, but we refinanced our house. That was new, I guess.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Exercise regularly - Nope. (Being pregnant early in the year really threw that one off for me.)

Cook regularly - Yes, on the whole I maintained this one very well.

Organize the pantry - I got started on it but still haven't finished to my satisfaction.

Curtains for the sliding glass door and kitchen window - Yes for the first, no for the second.

Three blog posts per week - Nope.

52 books - Nope.

I'm not sure if I'll make any plans for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. I gave birth. And tons of my friends did. And I got two new nieces.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just America this year. But I did get to see Canada from the state of Washington.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A housekeeper. Or maybe just somebody to organize my stuff. If I have a system in place I can generally follow it. (This is just wishful thinking, I know.)

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Last year, to this question I said, "October 6. It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell it one day. But probably not." Interestingly it's the same date for this year because that is when I gave birth to Felix.

8. What was your biggest personal achievement of the year?
I am really excited about some of the genealogical finds for my own family as well as some of my media interviews for work. Also, getting my toddler to say "please" and "thank you" with relative consistency.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I neither blogged nor read as much as I wanted to.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really. Pregnancy was really good to me this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I love my Baby K'Tan.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Eric's, Eric's, Eric's. He is the best.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Copying RA on this one - the Newtown shooter. Appalled? Yes. Depressed? Yes.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The house, of course. Also, a fair amount went into the back yard. (But considering that Eric did nearly all the labor, that was still relatively inexpensive.)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

How easily I got pregnant this time.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Somebody that I Used to Know" by Gotye

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) Sadder (at this exact moment. A few work frustrations.)
b) About the same, surprisingly!
c) Richer, I think, but not by much.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Mindless computer stuff.

20. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes, with Felix.

21. What was your favorite TV program?
Still 30 Rock. What will I say to this next year when the show has been canceled?

22. What was the best book you read?
Truman by David McCullough. So long, and so worth it.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Eric discovered a Pandora station featuring lullabies by Jewel and similar artists. I'm kind of in love with it.

24. What did you want and get?
An immersion blender! Seriously excited about that Christmas gift!

25. What did you want and not get?
A KitchenAid mixer.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?
I only saw three movies in the theater this year, and we canceled our Netflix for several months. There isn't a movie that I saw for the first time that really stands out to me.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28. Eric and I cooked dinner together and hosted his parents and sister (who was in town for Eric's dad's birthday.)

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Fewer migraines.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
New boots. Before that, maternity clothes.

30. What kept you sane?
Eric and instant messaging with a couple of friends.

Au Natural

About a month ago I was listening to Pandora (Internet radio, for the uninitiated). Pandora is funded by playing ads periodically throughout the music, and generally they try to target the ads based on what you've stated as your geographic location, gender and age. I've been disappointed in the ads that are played most often for me. Generally they are for products or services I'm not remotely interested in, and sadly, there isn't a way for me to tell Pandora that they've pegged me incorrectly. (I really like that Hulu has a little button in the corner where you can indicate whether or not an ad is relevant to you.) The most annoying thing about Pandora ads is the overabundance of McDonald's commercials. I hate McDonald's commercials even more than I hate their food, so these are particularly aggravating to me.

But nothing can quite top the advertisements for a nearby clinic/spa place that features "natural" breast augmentation. My initial thought when these ads started playing for me was to question how "natural" any breast augmentation really is. Let's be realistic. The most natural thing for my breasts to do is to do whatever they do after I breastfeed a few kids for a year a piece. That's natural. Doing anything else to them is not natural. I'm not saying I'm necessarily opposed to women who do choose to have breast augmentation procedures. I just question whether any sort of intentional changes to what the body would actually do if left alone can be called natural. I do not think the two ideas are compatible.

Second, I am bothered by our obsession with natural things. Not everything in nature is good for you body, and yet, when marketing folks use phrases like "all-natural" something in our brains makes us think the product must be good for us. Poison ivy is natural. Rattlesnake venom is natural. Molten lava occurs naturally. And yet, I do not want any of these things in my body.

Smart Things

I don't feel like a do a lot of smart things that are also worthy of sharing. But here are a few smart things I've done that I think you ought to do too:

• I rotate Ike's toys. He doesn't have a ton of toys, but he has enough for me to fill a few diaper boxes full. About every two weeks I load up all the toys he has scattered around, and I get out another box. He is the kind of kid who really likes his toys and can spend long periods of time playing with his toys by himself. I've found that when I rotate them he maintains interest longer. It is a huge boon on my working-at-home days.
• Before we moved to New Zealand we bought rechargeable batteries and a battery charger. We didn't know that a pack of batteries in New Zealand are so unbelievably expensive; we just bought them because we knew we'd be taking a lot of pictures and burning through our batteries fairly quickly. Now that we have a child with a handful of battery-operated toys, I'm glad we have rechargeable batteries. Plus we always have an extra (charged) set in our camera bag, and we don't have to fret if our camera runs out of batteries at some important event.
• The last few weeks I've been cutting roses from my bushes and putting them in a vase in my kitchen. They smell lovely, and I do not know what took me so long to do this.
• Ebates. Get paid for shopping online. It's silly not to do it. This past week I got a check for about $35. (That is because I booked most of my work travel on my own, which meant I first went to Ebates, then I went to whatever site I was using to book my flight and rental car. Free money for me!!!!) Even if you only get 1% back on a $10 purchase, eventually things will add up, and it never hurts to get a little check in the mail. (Usually my checks are like $6, not $35.)

Daydreams

I frequently daydream about what I would do if I won or was given certain sums of money. (Anyone who wishes to make any of my dreams a reality is welcome to do so.) Plus it's one of those questions that people get asked in a sort of getting-to-know-you kind of way. Here's how I would put various amounts of money to use. (If anybody had any doubts about how boring I am, those will shortly be put to rest.)

$100
I'd just put it in the bank. I'm sure it would eventually get used for something.

$1,000
We are doing a quasi-Dave Ramsey financial plan. We've saved up our six-month emergency fund, but with both cars soon to take their last spins, we are pretty certain we'll have to buy at least one car this year, and when we do that the emergency fund will be at least in part depleted. We're hoping to have saved up enough for a car that when one of them goes we don't have to drain the emergency fund at all, but right now the prospects of that are grim. With that said, we'd put almost the entirety of an extra $1000 into the car fund. I might spend under $50 for some kind of treat like new clothes or a dinner out or something.

$10,000
This answer is pretty much the same as the first. With the money we'd have left over (because we plan on buying a newish used car instead of a brand new car), we'd probably contribute to paying down the mortgage. Again, maybe a little splurging, this time on a small vacation or something a little nicer than dinner out.

$100,000
This is quite a bit of money. And I'd chuck it at the house. And it would cut years and years and years and years and years off my mortgage. And it would be amazing. If I didn't have a mortgage (because the house was paid off or something) I'd probably put it toward retirement and also go on a trip to Europe.

$1,000,000
I would definitely pay off the house. And I'd go on a trip to Europe. And I'd buy some new clothes. And I wouldn't wait for the cars to die before upgrading them. (I'd still probably buy used, though.) I would also buy some properties to rent out so that I could have continual money coming in.

And that is what I would do with extra money.

Free TV

We do not have a TV. Okay, that is a lie. We have two TVs because we got a new one for Christmas. The old one is in the extra room quietly awaiting its use as a future babysitter. The new one is in the living room where the old one used to be. But still, we often tell people we don't have a TV. That is because it is easier to say that than to say, "Where we live we cannot get any reception, and we don't have cable or satellite, and we have a policy not to pay for TV." See? "We don't have a TV," is much simpler.

I like our no-paying-for-TV policy. I like it a lot. It saves us a lot of money to watch the shows we watch ("Downton Abbey," "Person of Interest," and "Who Do You Think You Are?") on Hulu or on the network sites. I guess it's a pain to have to wait 24 hours from the original time the show aired, but you can pay me $50 per month (That's how much a cable bill is, right?) to wait for each of the shows I watch.

I will readily admit that I miss having ready access to college football during the fall. We usually would go to other people's homes to watch the BYU football games, and that was always fun. Still I was sad that I didn't get to see more than just the BYU games. (Although not particularly sad that I didn't get to see the National Championship (if you can call it that). I heard about it on NPR and on Facebook. It sounds like it wasn't an awesome game.)

We've actually been spending so much time watching TV online lately (we have recently started watching "Arrested Development" again) that we've downgraded our Netflix account to only have 1 DVD out at a time. We're just saving money left and right, folks.

We are surely not the only people who are not paying for TV. Are we?

November

Aren't you glad it's November? I am.

Sure, October almost always can beat November when it comes to weather. This year's October was especially delightful, despite the bizarre bout of snow we experienced in the second week that totally disrupted our Indian Summer. Besides that odd phenomenon, it was a delightful October with beautiful leaves and perfect weather. And I want to give credit where credit is due, so good job October 2011.

But I do not care one iota about Halloween. It's a holiday I could totally do without. I know that makes me the least fun person on the planet, and I do not care.

Thanksgiving, on the other hand. That's a holiday I can get behind. First of all, it merits at least one day - but usually two days - off of work. October only has Columbus Day to offer, and that holiday only seems to matter to government employees, and nobody cares about them. (Unless we are expecting some great mail from Oklahoma Vital Records, and then we suddenly care a lot about the postal workers and their infinite supply of holidays - but that's neither here nor there.)

Back to Thanksgiving - it's a holiday with treats and goodies like Halloween - but it's also a holiday about real food. It's also a holiday with real meaning and significance, or at least it can be. If we have very little to be grateful for, we can at least be grateful we don't have to work on Thanksgiving, or the day after (for most people).

When Thanksgiving is over, we can officially begin the Christmas season complete with Christmas music, Christmas shopping (mostly online, of course) and Christmas decorating.

November is a month with consistently cooler temperatures but not necessarily a great deal of snow. While I don't love the cold, I can tolerate it. I try to focus on the good aspects of cold weather - hot chocolate, soups for dinner, sweaters, hats, scarves, switching on the fireplace. (We have a gas fireplace that turns on when we flip a switch. It doesn't provide the great smells of a traditional wood-burning fireplace with chimney, but it's still warm and pleasant to look at,and infinitely tidier than a traditional fireplace.) I don't get to enjoy those things much in October, and generally they really kick into full gear in November.

Not to mention the fact that November is my birthday month, so that's always a perk for me too - assuming I do not spend my entire birthday in the car, like I did in 2007 and 2008. (This year my birthday falls a day before we leave on a road trip to the Midwest, so I think I've avoided the Birthday Car Celebration. I also avoided the Birthday Car Celebration in 2009 when we went to Washington for Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving was late that year.)

All in all, November's looking like a good month.

On Honest Reviews

In the last few weeks, my friend Janssen posted about a rather lousy customer service experience she had with an online retailer. She then wrote a follow-up post in which she detailed why the first experience was so frustrating and why she felt compelled to write about it. In short:

• She had only heard very good things about this retailer, primarily through several blog posts written by many different bloggers.
• Yet when she wrote her bad review for the retailer, several people commented that they had also had bad experiences with the retailer, namely that their clothing was poor quality and also fit poorly.

As Janssen and I chatted online about this incident and the way she handled, I learned that this retailer frequently gives away free clothing to people who are willing to blog about them. The retailer will also sponsor giveaways for the readers of those blogs to have a chance to win a dress. (Apparently the merchant sells mostly dresses.)

I had, somehow, NEVER heard of this retailer until Janssen's post. I'd not read any blogs with rave reviews nor ever had the opportunity to comment on a blog post in an attempt to win a free dress. But apparently I was very much in the minority in that regard.

Still, the whole situation was quite frustrating to me. If that many people find these dresses to be cheaply and poorly made, then why are so many people saying good things about them? Do bloggers not realize that it is bad for their own credibility to endorse a product that isn't particularly good?

Everyone likes free stuff. I get that. But even if you are a person who likes free stuff, you have to see what bad business it is to promote something that isn't any good. First of all, it makes you look like you don't actually care about your readers. If you did, you wouldn't be encouraging them to spend their hard-earned money on garbage. Second, it undermines your credibility as a real-life person. If you endorse something that your readers find out later on is terrible, why should they believe you the next time you endorse another product?

Here are a few guidelines that I follow in my blogging reviews. (And, to be fair, I haven't really been given anything for free in exchange for a blogging review, but maybe I will have the opportunity to implement these guidelines in the future.)

• If the product was given to me for free in exchange for a review, I will always tell my readers such.
• If I don't like a product, or if I think the product is over-priced, I will be upfront about that.
• If I ever say that I like a product, I will say it sincerely. If there are caveats (such as "I like this but I would never pay full price for it.), I will make sure those caveats are clear in my review(s) of the product.

Are there other guidelines I should add? Is it really that hard to give honest opinions of products, even if the products aren't that great?

On Comparing

Why do we (women particularly) compare ourselves to others? I do not have the answer to that, but I've been wondering about it for quite some time.

As we prepared to move to our new house I found myself in a fairly frequent state of worry, particularly about how I would fit in with my new ward and new neighborhood. We moved to an area that is filled with people very similar to us. There are tons of young families and young couples. This resulted in me having a bit of social anxiety as I thought about the prospect of being surrounded by women who were better than me. After a few days of this I realized I just needed to knock it off.

Since then I have really come into a comfortable phase. I'm not the most beautiful person. I'm not a fantastic writer. I'm not particularly fashionable. I'm not the most generous person. I'm not a great decorator. I'm not especially gregarious. I'm not a dynamic public speaker or teacher. I'm not into yoga or pilates or dance or running or Zumba. I'm not very good at baking. I'm not Molly Mormon.

And that's okay.

And it's okay that I'm better at some things than other people. It doesn't make me better than them - it just makes me better at that particular thing.

As I've thought about all this, I've really tried to decide when, if ever, it is okay to compare myself to others. Ultimately, this is my conclusion: If you compare yourself and you feel either inferior or superior, then stop. If you compare yourself and feel inspired, go for it.

Feelings of guilt, in my opinion, have a very short amount of time in which they are productive. Once that time is passed they are only good at creating more negative feelings. Guilt is not in itself a terrible thing. When we've done something wrong (particularly if we've wronged others), we should feel guilt. However, if that guilt doesn't lead us to improve the situation (making restitution with the one we've wronged or changing our actions so that the action which caused the guilt do not return), then the guilt is only harmful.

I'm not saying that we should be complacent in our lives. We shouldn't. It's important to set goals, to achieve and accomplish things, and most importantly to improve our characters. But berating ourselves for not measuring up to some arbitrary standard or belittling ourselves because we aren't the best at everything doesn't actually make us better.

Bed and Breakfast

We moved into our house March 26. The next day, Eric's brother's family came to stay with us for two nights. (Eric's parents were in house-transition at the time, so it wasn't possible for Eric's brother's family to stay with them.) After that, my brother and his family came to stay with us for one night. Then toward the end of April Eric's sister came to stay with us for a couple of nights with her little boy. In May my brother and his wife came again, this time for the U2 concert, so only his two older kids were with him. This week my brother is coming again (just with his wife this time). The next day my sister will arrive for a fun stay. Right after that Eric's two older brothers are coming into town, and the one who stayed with us in March will stay with us again. Then my brother will be in town again. It sounds like more than it is when I lump it into one paragraph like that, but I like to be dramatic, so there you go.

Having a house is fun! I feel totally inept at hosting, though. I really don't do breakfasts. (The idea that I will get up and cook breakfast for people is actually quite laughable. That's Eric's forte.) Plus, I'm unaccustomed to cooking for groups and doubly unaccustomed to cooking for children. Will people be satisfied with food I have to offer? Will the beds be adequate? The spare beds came from Eric's parents' house and are all without bed frames. (They will soon return to Eric's parents' house, by the way.)

I know that most guests are probably not picky. They came to visit (or maybe visiting was just a perk on their list of errands they are doing while they are in town), so they are happy with any accommodations. But I still feel totally inadequate as a hostess.

What sorts of things do you do to get ready for guests? What sorts of things do you wish people would do for you? People who are coming to stay or who have stayed with us, what sorts of things should we do (or should we have done differently) to be better hosts?

All suggestions welcome.

(Please don't get me wrong! I do not want this to be a diatribe against guests! We love to invite ourselves to go visit people, and we love having visitors. I just don't feel like I really know the ins and outs of being a good hostess.)

Mother's Best Advice

A few weeks ago while I was on my deathbed with some stomach bug, my mom called me to ask me what the best advice she'd ever given me was. I told her I'd have to think about it and then write a blog post. I'm pretty sure I also told her I was dying. She is familiar with my hyperbolic rhetoric, so she basically ignored me. (And she probably thought to herself, "Where did she learn to be so dramatic? Can't ever imagine who taught her that.")

I've had ample time to think about this and finally am getting around to writing a post about it.

The best advice (or at least the one I try to apply most often) is this: An unsaid compliment is an insult. When I hear things I like or see things I like or somebody does something that impresses me, I tell them.

One time when we were going into a grocery store (the grocery store where I worked as a teenager, actually) my mom complimented some stranger on her purse. I was mortified. My mom had just gone up to a total stranger and told her how beautiful her handbag was. A STRANGER! How embarrassing! And that's when my mom told me that an unsaid compliment was an insult. (I believe that it was her mother who told her that.)

While I don't necessarily agree that an unsaid compliment is equal to an insult, I do think that pretty much everyone likes compliments. Why not brightens somebody's day by giving them a meaningful compliment? It doesn't have to be elaborate, just sincere.

Machines

I like machines. "Machine" was one of the first words I learned to spell.* Today my friend asked me when our world was going to catch up to The Jetsons. Interestingly, I had been thinking just a few nights ago about all the amazing machines in my life.

There are the cars, Rusty and Dudley. (They're so beloved they get names!) There are the washer and dryer. Not to mention the dishwasher. I don't have them, but Roombas (automatic vacuums) and Scoobas (automatic hard-floor sweepers and moppers) are delightful machines. (Technically my wood laminate flooring would be ruined by a Scooba, but still I pine for a machine that will sweep and mop my entry way, dining area and kitchen.) Plus, Eric bought me a bread machine at a garage sale for ONE DOLLAR. A working bread machine for ONE DOLLAR! So now I have a machine that bakes me fresh bread.

Some people may worry that machines will one day take over the world.

If I can wake up to clean clothes, spotless dishes and a freshly baked loaf of bread, I don't mind one bit if machines are in charge.

*I had a coloring book which featured a picture of a cartoon-ish cat and a conveyor belt. I distinctly recall asking my mom how to spell "machine" so I could write it on the page after coloring it. Then I memorized how to spell it.

Wrong Lyrics

There is a classic children's song that is popular in the Mormon church. I don't know why it's not popular elsewhere because it's a great kids song. It's called "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree," and it has hand motions, which is mostly what makes it so fun. The only thing is, most people sing it incorrectly. If you're not LDS, you may find this quiz kind of boring. And I apologize. If you are LDS, you might find this quiz enlightening. Fill in the blanks:

I looked out the window, and what did I see?
Popcorn popping on the apricot tree!
Spring had brought me such a nice surprise,
_________ popping right before my eyes.
I could take an armful, and make a treat,
A popcorn ball that would smell so sweet.
It wasn't really so,
But it seemed to ______
Popcorn popping on the apricot tree.

So, what lyrics did you put in those gaps? Most commonly people say "popcorn" and "me." These are both incorrect. The correct lyrics are "blossoms" and "be." To be honest, I think that "me" and "be" are pretty interchangeable in the context of the song; both make sense. However, mistaking the word "blossoms" for "popcorn" makes the song utterly silly. The whole point is that the blossoms look like popcorn. If you never know they are blossoms and just think it's popcorn then it's really nonsensical.

And also it's wrong.

Music and lyrics of Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree can be found (and heard) by clicking the link.

Lent

I've never celebrated Lent before. (I'm not even sure if "celebrate" is the right word.) As a Mormon, it is not part of my religious experience. I was taught (falsely, I now know) that the purpose of Lent was to help Christian observers begin to understand the period of 40 days in which Jesus fasted. I've always thought that was almost sacrilegious - as if giving up something that we shouldn't be doing/having anyway could really help us fathom any of Christ's suffering. I recently read the Wikipedia article about Lent, and it says that Lent is for preparation of Easter, through prayer, repentance, almsgiving and self-denial.

In some ways, I can really see the point. By giving of ourselves, we can draw closer to the Lord. Mormons certainly believe this, we are encouraged to fast at least once per month. I guess the problem I always had was that most people I knew were giving up something that they really shouldn't have anyway, usually in the form of a food - chocolate, coffee, alcohol, etc. Sure, this would be challenging for them, but how would it help them prepare for Easter? How would it strengthen their relationship with Jesus? But in reality, it's not my job to point out whose Lent sacrifices are worthwhile and whose aren't. Lent is a fairly personal thing when it all boils down to it.

About a week ago I decided that I needed to take a break from Facebook. It is a massive time suck for me. I go there when I have nothing to do. Then I get there and think, "Wow, I do not care about what most of these people are doing." Or else I think, "I wish somebody cool had something worthwhile to say." There are a handful of people that regularly say interesting things or share interesting links or who put up pictures I want to see, but on the whole I was finding that I was spending a lot of time on Facebook and leaving its pages very unsatisfied. So I've given it up for Lent.

Only, it's not really for Lent because it is entirely for personal reasons rather than religious. I don't expect that I will draw closer to my Savior through this sacrifice. (Unless I decided to spend all my ordinary Facebook time in service, scripture study and prayer, which, to be honest, is not really my plan.) The period of Lent just happens to coincide with a time when I need to be stepping away from pointless time-wasting things and focusing on more important things.

Plus, they say it takes about 30 days to break a habit (or is it 30 days to start a habit?). I figure that 40 days ought to be enough for me to stop habitually going to Facebook every time I'm bored.

Hopefully in the mean time I will finally write down the insightful blog posts that have been in my head for weeks. Maybe I'll get going on packing so that our upcoming move isn't 100% drudgery. I'll try to finally type up the notes I took last year on my great-grandfather's book. I'll cook more. I'll read more. All in all, I'll do things that actually matter.

A Post on Privacy

Every now and then I like to just throw out a few of my own privacy guidelines for my blog:

• Please don't ever use my last name in your comments.
• Please don't ever use my maiden name in your comments.
• If you are referring to shared grandparents, please refer to them as I have in any given post - Grandpa and Grandma L., Grandpa K., Grandpa Van, Captain Jack, etc.
• If you know what Eric and I are planning to name our child, please do not use this name (now or ever) in the comments. I plan on giving him a blog nickname, and right now I don't know what that is.
• If you link to me, please just link to my first name or the name of my blog.
  

I hate to delete comments, and I like it when comments can go up in real time (as opposed to me having to moderate them). But I also like my privacy, and I don't want any creepy Internet stalkers to have an easy job locating me. I know that if a creepy Internet stalker really wanted to learn more about me, it wouldn't be that hard, but you know, I am going to make him/her work for it at least a little bit.

Rating Systems

When it comes to rating systems on things like GoodReads and Netflix, I am strictly by the book. Sometimes I wonder if other people are as well.

That is, when I decide to rate something, I hover over the stars before I select them to see what the website's definition of that number of stars is. (Above are the rating definitions used by GoodReads.) I rarely give any book five stars. Maybe that has to do with the same reasons I don't give out standing ovations. If you just throw out those sorts of compliments willy-nilly, they lose their meaning. When I finish a book and go on GoodReads to rate it, I really do stop to think about whether my like for it was just regular like or really like before I go clicking any stars. I know of one GoodReads friend who told me she was surprised by a rating I gave a book because she did not like that book, but then when she rated that book, she gave it four stars. I found it puzzling.

Netflix uses a five-star system, but their star ratings have different meanings. The options are "Hated it," "Didn't Like it," "Liked it," "Really Liked it," and "Loved it." I tend to really like Netflix ratings because they have a great algorithm for figuring out what other movies I might like. The only problem is coming at agreement with Eric about how we should jointly rate any film since obviously we share a Netflix account. Usually we are right on par with each other, but sometimes we are one star off, and there isn't an option for a half star.

Do you think much about the meanings of rating systems before you use them, or do you just select the star value that is most aesthetically pleasing?